A Broken Laptop

10 Word Review: The Vampire Defanged: How the Embodiment of Evil became a Romantic Hero

Mercedes — Wed, 30 May 2012 05:40:35 +0000

The Vampire Defanged: How the Embodiment of Evil became a Romantic Heroby Susannah Clements.

Wonderfully researched, but extraordinarily academic. A thesis on Twilight? Yikes.

I Interview Anthony J. Rapino!

Mercedes — Sun, 27 May 2012 04:31:51 +0000

And it was awesome. Tony’s a frickin’ hoot. Swing by and learn about the origins of Moon Hill, how Vampiress rules his world, and how he explains whether or not he’s possessed by imps. It was a good time all around. You can read that interview here at Shock Totem.

As an aside, I apologize for being MIA last week. I could write a story about it titled Miss Murder in Migraine City, but just know that I’ve cuddled up to my (despised) migraine meds and I’m functional. Have a great night, everyone!

Warping Your Children on MOTHER’S DAY!

Mercedes — Mon, 14 May 2012 04:59:34 +0000

Which is even better than warping them any other day of the year, except maybe on their birthdays. Bwa ha ha!

Mother’s Day was very bittersweet this year. I was able to enjoy my precious children (who were obviously possessed by imps today. Sweet and adorable they were NOT, at least until after nap time). That was very sweet. But I very much mourned the loss of my daughters who passed away last year. It will be a year next month, and when you think your feet are finally under you, there are days when you emotionally faceplant. But we’ll discuss loss later in a different post. Today is for celebration, for I have successfully warped my little ones!

First, here is a letter written by my son. Niko is nine years old and has Williams Syndrome. He types very well on a computer, but struggles with handwriting due to muscular issues, spacial issues, and the fact that he is a lefty. We all know that lefties are going to hell, as reported by a million and one websites. Which are serious about it. Apparently I’m supposed to tie Niko’s left hand behind him and force him to write with his right, but I’m lazy and, um, NOT CRAZY, so there goes that. Anyway, he did this:

So you see his name at the top? Then he wrote MAMA. I’m not ashamed to tell you that this literally brought me to tears. I know how to turn your kidlet’s handwriting into a necklace, so I’m going to do that with this and wear it with pride.

My four-year-old did this picture:

She said, “That’s you on the bottom. You’re scared, and I’m making you feel better. And here’s a rainbow. And a puppy.” Do you see my mouth drawn in a round ‘o’? Because apparently I am terrified of the joy that rainbows and puppies bring.

“This is beautiful and warped, darling,” I told my daughter.

She smiled prettily. “Thank you. And your hair is blue.” Rock on. I haven’t had blue hair since I was a newlywed, I think.

Yesterday she drew a picture of our turtle. “This is Rush. And this is the shark that’s going to eat her. And here’s Rush’s apples and celery, so she isn’t hungry.”

That’s my girl.

Happy Mother’s Day to you, my friends. May it be all that you hope.

Movies That Make You Hurl

Mercedes — Tue, 08 May 2012 22:24:42 +0000

May the odds be ever in your…blech!

I’m not talking about movies with awful dialogue, horrible acting, or situations that are so unbelievable that the brain simply goes numb in self-defense. (Because I LOVE this type of movie! I’m a huge MST3K fan. Terrible movies are gold to me.) I’m talking about movies with the horrible shaky cam that quite literally makes you queasy.

When I was in college, I asked my father to go to The Blair Witch Project with me. Dad and I haven’t watched a movie together since ET came out in theatres, and that was so terrifying that I bailed halfway through. So 15 years later, enter Blair Witch! How fun! Daddy/Daughter bonding! No, because (again) we bailed out halfway through. Dad and I were so sick that we couldn’t make it through the movie.

Repeat this with Cloverfield.

Repeat this with The Last Exorcism.

Nearly repeat this with The Hunger Games until somebody makes an off-handed comment saying the filming made them sick.

WHAT?! Now Da Man and I are going on a date this weekend. (A date! Woo hoo!) We hardly ever go out. In fact, we wouldn’t be going out this weekend except that my tiny daughter asked for our super fun babysitter in her evening prayers, and who are we to crush the hopes and dreams of our little girl? But to zip out to a movie that will leave me retching in the aisle…well, that’s not for me. We’ll be heading to Dark Shadows, thankyouverymuch.

The site Movie Hurl has given us a list of the top ten most vomit-inducing films, according to the ratings of their users. They are:

1. The Blair Witch Project (no surprise there!)

2. The Hunger Games.

3. District 9

4. Hurt Locker

5. The Bourne Ultimatum

6. Cloverfield

7. Rachel Getting Married

8. Melancholia

9. Paranormal Activity

10. Chronicle

Nice to know that I can stay home and catch these babies on video, where my teeny tiny screen will shield me from the terrible SHAKY CAM OF DOOM. Does anybody else have this problem? Any other movies that made your just-eaten popcorn hit the street?

Shock Totem Dr

Mercedes — Mon, 07 May 2012 00:42:30 +0000

Oh, I would so live here.

I Always Knew He Was A Goon

Mercedes — Tue, 01 May 2012 16:29:00 +0000

So yesterday was the conclusion of my Find-A-Goon contest. I had twelve delightful names, and Random.org chose comment number 11. Who is comment 11, you wonder? So did I! Comment 11 was merely signed “-j”. I clicked his link, and imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered that my new goon is none other than Jesse David Young, who only this week vowed to print my novel onto two ply and use it as toilet paper. I’ll make sure he has a fresh bullet wound.

Congrats, Jesse! You’ll make a fantastic goon. Thanks for playing, everybody!

My First Teddy

Mercedes — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 18:15:12 +0000

When I went home for Christmas, my mother pulled him out for the Itty Bits to play with. I’d almost forgotten him. He never had a name and when you hug him, he squeaks.

This picture? Made my day absolutely lovely. Do you have a favorite childhood friend?

The Quiet Places Where Your Body Grows

Mercedes — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:29:31 +0000

I wrote a short story and a stranger emailed me to say it made her cry. I can think of few things better. Would you like to read it? It’s part of the Fraternity of Flash series at Misty Dahl’s site. Stop by to read “The Quiet Places Where Your Body Grows”, and then hug your children a little tighter.

Hey, Wanna Be A Goon? A Contest!

Mercedes — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 05:05:10 +0000

So I’m in a quandary. I’ve been naming goons for a sweet noir, and I’m all out of ideas. There is one goon left, bodyguard to the organization’s leader, and he/she is currently nameless. It’s a small part, but important. Because, hey, who doesn’t want a bodyguard with an awesome, goonish, name?

Darlings, would one of you care to be my goon or goonette? I’ll use your name (or a version thereof) and your likeness for my goon. Again, it’s a brief mention, but it’s a real mention! In a book! And it’ll be awesome knowing that you have some kickbuttery under your belt! Way to work for the Vegas underworld, baby!

If you’re interested in allowing me to use you, please leave a comment below. I’ll leave this open until Monday, April 30 so there will be plenty of time to collect glorious, glorious names. Random.org will make the final decision. I hope this is fun for everyone, and thanks in advance for offering yourselves up. Bwa ha ha ha!

This Is Why I Don’t Go To Write-Ins

Mercedes — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 15:20:51 +0000

My writer’s group and I had a wonderful write-in yesterday. We wrote in the park. We moved to the library. We ate delicious Chinese food and ended up in the backyard of the Wombat Lair. I felt like I accomplished a lot in terms of organization and brainstorming, if not actually words on paper. But when I came home, this is what greeted me.

It’s to my credit that I didn’t faint. But I know what I’m doing this fine Saturday morning, and it involves a vacuum. And then more editing! I’m on a roll.

Happy day, everyone!