The extremely wonderful and talented Damien Walters Grintalis has invited me to guest post on her blog to celebrate February, which is Women in Horror month.  Damien is a regular at the Shock Totem flash fiction contest, and she has placed pretty much every time. Her work is stunning, her personality is warm and mysterious, and she’s just absolutely a pleasure.  Damien’s debut novel INK will be published in December 2012 by Samheim Horror.

Stop by, say hi to Damien, and read what I have to say about women in horror.

Avoiding the paint fumes. Fashionably!

Did you read my last post about the cheeriest kidnapping ever?  Well, I had a victim! My dear friend from Seattle was down to visit, and it was almost exactly like I foretold!  We had a lot of fun.  My friend is a really good painter.  Although now I’m wondering if turtles can get high on paint fumes.  Rush the turtle fell out of her water dish today, but then again, she does that every day.  This time Rush giggled, though.

Thanks so much for coming down, C! It was absolutely lovely!

If you stop by today, I’m gonna hand you a screwdriver and ask you to take the hardware off of my cabinets.  When you’re finished with that, I’m going to ask how you feel about primer.  When everything is all primed, I’ll invite you to watch a movie.  When the movie is over, I’ll check the cabinets for tackiness and we’ll either go to lunch or paint all of the hinges white.  When the hinges are done, I’ll ask if my hair looks better up or down.  After we make a decision, we’re off to Lowes (where the sweet old hippie guy calls me “My Dear” and “Honey” and “Sweetness”) and we’ll pick up the stone paint.  When we’re finished with that, after prettily bidding sweet old hippie guy farewell, we’ll run into a florist shop so we can smell the flowers.  After leaving with yellow flower or two, it’s back to my house to work on counters.  All day.  We’ll sing old songs.  We’ll sing new songs.  We’ll sing songs that really don’t exist and then we’ll realize that we forgot to properly ventilate the kitchen.  We’ll jump on the trampoline and swing on the swings while the house airs out.  I’ll hug you and thank you over and over for coming and being part of my day.  I’ll invite you back tomorrow.  You’ll go home and realize that you forgot to drop off my mail/a package/tell me about your religion/ask if my alarm system was working.  But it won’t matter.  Today was absolutely lovely.

Want to know the coolest thing?  I grew up here.  This is a picture that my friend just took of the grocery store in our hometown.  I’m from the sticks, yo.  And I’m absolutely charmed.

No, wait, that’s paint.  My hands are stained white with paint, because I’m trying to painting the kitchen.  Which is difficult with three little ones who need constant attention.  For Valentine’s Day, we’re having a nice dinner and then my hubby is watching the mugwumps while I, yes, paint some MORE of the kitchen.  Needless to say that life is horribly exciting at the Yardley household.

Actually, it is! I have a contract to sign, and I also received a wonderful writing-related email that made me smile.  Fiendishly. I have this horrible tendency to smile fiendishly.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my loves!

Words that I searched: grotesques, tickles pants, polyvore, mandarin oriental in las vegas, shinies, sharks, vulcan 750

So download away, my friends.  And if you like that sort of thing, read them.  And if you dig ‘em, we would love it if you’d write a review.  Reviews make the literary world go ’round.

Also, I have essays in each issue. I cried while writing both of them. You may (or may not, depending on your sensibilities) want to check them out.

I am absolutely thrilled to announce that I was on the short list for the Eric Hoffer Award.  Woo!  While the very worthy “Peep Show” by Louise Beech won the award, I made it into their Best New Writing of 2012 anthology.  I squee! I genuinely squee!  And why do I squee oh-so-genuinely?

When I was in college, their Best New Writing was part of my class curriculum.  I actually had to go out and buy a copy to study from.  I was introduced to some delightful stories that way.  And now?  Who knows, maybe somebody will read my tale “Stars” and find something of worth in it.

When I was a student getting a “real” degree while allowing myself the frivolity to minor in Creative Writing, I never would have hoped to be in one of the same books that I was studying. It’s a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

And you know what makes it even more fun?  I won with the story that I wrote for this contest.  Bwa ha ha ha!

1) Jay’s running my reading of “Butterflies and Battleaxes” on his blog. It’s part 2 of the Williams Syndrome post for Rare Disease Day.  You can find it here.

2) You have the incredible opportunity to win a free pass to the San Francisco Writer’s Conference next week!  Hurry and enter now.

Did you know that February 29 is Rare Disease Day?  It’s also Jay Faulkner’s birthday.  Jay is a family man, editor, and friend who allowed me to do a guest post on his blog to raise rare disease awareness.  I’ll actually have a few posts there through the month, since my family and I seem to constantly hit the rare disease jackpot.  Williams Syndrome?  Check.  Alobar holoprosencephaly? Check check.  Postpartum eclampsia? My doctor’s didn’t even know it existed, but check check check.  Don’t worry, I’m not posting about that. 

This post is a chapter from the memoir that I’m writing about our journey with Williams Syndrome.  Jay wrote a delightful intro that made me laugh out loud.  It explains our cosmic bromance (I was also called an alpha male this week, too.  I think I need to wear more ruffles).  While you’re there, read all about Jay and how he discovered that he, too, had something physical to cope with.  You’d never know it, because he’s such a happy, enjoyable man.  It takes real strength to admit when you need help, and Jay took the plunge to do so.  Please swing by and read Let It Fall.