(Given that my sweet thang can’t type yet, I’ll use my words to say exactly what she would have you know.)
Mama is a writer. That’s what she says. This means that she sits at the computer. A lot.
She says, “No, don’t touch that!” and “Eek, I forgot to save!” and “This is exactly why I tell you to drink your juice in the kitchen!” She won’t let me draw on something called “the printed manuscript”. She sinks to the floor when I do.
Mama will be typing and then she’ll get a funny look on her face. She’ll say, “Put on your shoes, kids, we’re going to see what a Jonathan apple tree feels like when you rub your face against it.” Or “Uncle Ryan is going to bring a sword over. I need you to stay in the playhouse until he takes it back home.” Sometimes we don’t go anywhere, but we watch something called Youtube. We see how a zebra looks when it runs. We look up diagrams of tummies to see where all of the organs fit. We research to see how long it takes to recover from a knife wound. When she’s looking at rattlesnake bites, she turns the computer so that I can’t see it at all. I tell her that I want to see it, but she says that would be a parenting fail, whatever that is.
Sometimes Mama jumps up and down and screams. This usually happens with something called “the Acceptance Dance”. It means that somebody pays her to write. We both do the Acceptance Dance. I twirl. A while ago she screamed and jumped and danced and the she had to sit down and breathe for a while. Daddy was pretty excited, too. She had talked to somebody called “an agent” and I guess he asked if they could be friends or something. Mama signed a piece of paper saying, “Yes, we are now friends, Mr. Agenty Man J” or something like that. I tried to decorate the envelope for her, but she handed me another one to decorate instead. We sent it to Grandma and Grandpa. I like when mom gets excited and screams. It means that we get to go somewhere fun for dinner. I usually get chicken fingers and chocolate milk.
There’s another grown up word that I know. It’s called “deadline”. When mom has lines that are dead, I get to watch cartoons. I even get to watch two Disney princess movies in a row! Mama always gives me extra hugs and says that she’s concerned for my intellectual development and that she wishes we didn’t even own a television, but I like it. Princesses have pretty dresses.