This epiphany cause me to shift my world.
I came down with The Mother of All Plagues, and it left me totaled. I spent days lying in bed with nothing to do but think. And I realized a few things.
I spend too much time making do instead of going for what I want.
I have too many responsibilities. It’s crippling me. The stress is causing physical symptoms as well as emotional.
I can’t remember the last time I read for pleasure.
Most importantly, it’s time for me to take the big step of living my dreams. It’s time for me to take myself seriously and focus on becoming a full time novelist, instead of working the novel in around everything else.
In order to do that, I had to make some difficult decisions. Revamp my life in order to switch the good for the better. I had to figure out what was right for me. I cut many things out of my life. This one was the hardest.
I have left Shock Totem Magazine. It was the most difficult decision that I’ve made in a very long time. The staff at ST have become my family, and I love them madly. But I realized that leaving doesn’t mean I love them any less. I’ll still play on the forums and join the contests. I’ll still write stories with John and razz Ken and coo over their sweet Baby Z with Sarah. But I will no longer be spending time on the magazine. I’ll be dedicating it to my own work.
It’s hard to leave. ST is part of my identity. But hopefully this will help unlock the things that I want out of the rest of my life.
I love you guys.